Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel?
Halfway across he decided he couldn't make it so he swam back.

What do you call an Igloo without a toilet?
→ An Ig!

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game:

- What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?

The elephant replied:

- Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up.

What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
→ This is the end of me!

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?
→ A petticoat!

How would a blonde punctuate the following? "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
→ Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
→ It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
→ Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors?
→ Because she had no guts!

- Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth.

- Dentist: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.