Most viewed jokes

Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking.
After a while the boy stops:

- You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way - he pleads.

- Well, maybe - she says - But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us.

The boy stops and says:

- Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing.

The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing.

- Moooo ..... Moooooo ...... Moooooooon River .......!

What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
→ A submarine!

- Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.

- Assistant: Why don't you marry her?

- Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
→ Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

What animals are poor dancers?
→ Four-legged ones, because they have two left feet.

"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!'"

What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
→ A cat-a-logue!

What car do insects drive?
→ A Volkswagen automobile.

A quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.

The bus pulls up.

Driver says:

- alright John, how you getting on today?

Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.