Most viewed jokes

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said:

- I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.

- I think librarians are the easiest - said the second surgeon.

- When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.

The third surgeon said:

- I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded.

The fourth one said:

- I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable.

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

- Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t? - she asked the instructor.

- P-u-t-t is correct - he replied.

- Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

What do snakes have on their bath towels?
→ Hiss and Hers!

Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching?
→ Because he had his own scales!

- Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making?

- Dad: Why is that, what are you making?

- Pupil: Mistakes!

- Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare?

- Pupil: No

- Teacher: What have you read then?

- Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair!

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture:

- Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'

A small voice from the back of the room rang out:

- And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled

What salesman has the slickest line?
→ A hair grease salesman.

Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.