- Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
- Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
- Patient: What problem?
A variation
- Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?
- Patient: What pills?
Why do they call it a "kilt"?
Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.
How do we know that the "Toothbrush" was invented in West Virginia?
→ Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a "Teethbrush".
Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ Because they are scared they might chip their teeth!!!
- Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.
- Andy: Did she lose weight?
- Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
→ He wanted to see the floor show!
A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready. The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie. The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
- What's the matter? - the bartender asks.
- My wife and I got into a fight - explained the guy - and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days.
The bartender thought about this for a while.
- But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you? - asked the bartender.
- Yeah, except today is the last night.
