Most viewed jokes

Why did the viper, viper nose?
→ Because the adder, adder hankerchief!

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area.

- This machine is the best ever - he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.

The woman says she's really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says:

- If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself.

- Do you want ketchup on it? - she says.

- we're not connected for electricity yet!

A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act.

When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting.

He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said:

- I'm 22 sir.

- Well how old is she? - the officer then asked.

Looking at his watch the guy replied:

- She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes.

Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

- Hey buddy. How late does the band play?

- About half a beat behind the drummer.

The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyway.

- Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!

- Lay on the couch, face down.

- Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.

- Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.

- Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

How many men does it take to mop the floor?
→ None, it's a women's job.

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.