Most viewed jokes

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer.

What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball?
→ A bouncing baby boa!

- Teacher: Billy, please don't whistle while studying.

- Billy: Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling!

"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!"

- Teacher: Are you good at math?

- Pupil: Yes and no

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area.

- This machine is the best ever - he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.

The woman says she's really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says:

- If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself.

- Do you want ketchup on it? - she says.

- we're not connected for electricity yet!

- What's the matter with your dinner?

- Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

A minister was asked by a politician:

- Name something the government can do to help the church.

The minister replied:

- Quit making one dollar bills.

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?
→ Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
→ Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
→ Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."