Most viewed jokes

What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
→ I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

What's the definition of a Yankee?
→ Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
→ When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.

The Italian says:

- I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours.

The German says:

- That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that.

The Greek says:

- That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming.

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.

- Oh, Gladys - said her friend,

- you've lost your engine!

- Never mind dear - said auntie.

- I've got a spare one in the trunk.

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker.

- I think this one will really move - said the broker.

- it's only $1 a share.

- Buy me 1000 shares - said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said:

- You were right, give me 5000 more shares.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker:

- Get me 10,000 more shares - said the client.

- Great! - said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker:

- Sell all my shares!

The broker said:

- To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.

Will He Win? by Betty Wont

How I Won the Pools by Jack Potts

The Ugly Hag by Ida Face

So I said:

- Hey man, that's my beer.

Then he says:

- No man, that's my beer.

Then the beers say:

- No man, we're our own beers.

That's when we realized we had too many beers.