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What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
→ Play ball.

One day a blonde woman was down on her luck and she needed a quick way to get money.
She saw some kids playing and thought:

- Hey! Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom!

So she creeps up and snatches one.
So she began to write a note:

- I have kidnaped your son and I will give him back if you put 10,000$ on the north side of the tree in the park.

Signed
Blonde.

She sticks the note on the kid and sends him home. The next day she goes to the north side of the tree and in a paper bag was 10,000$.
But there was a note inside saying:

- How could you do this to a fellow blonde!?!

What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
→ Wave at her.

What do tigers wear in bed?
→ Stripey pyjamas!

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says:

- Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.

So the Doberman says:

- I love liver and cheese.

The Collie replies:

- That's not good enough.

The Bulldog says:

- I hate liver and cheese.

She says:

- That's not creative enough.

Finally, the Chihuahua says:

- Liver alone . . . cheese mine.

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

- I'm afraid I don't have a husband - she replies.

- O.K. do you have a boyfriend? - asks the Midwife.

- No, no boyfriend either.

- Do you have a partner then?

- No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own.

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman:

- You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black

- Well - replies the girl.

- I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black.

- Oh, I'm very sorry - says the midwife.

- That's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.

- Well yes - the girl again replies.

- you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?

- Oh, I'm sorry - the midwife repeats.

- that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.

- Well yes - continues the girl.

- I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.

At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims:

- Thank God for that!

- What do you mean? - says the midwife, shocked.

- WHEW! - says the girl extremely relieved...

- I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!

Hey... Did you here about the new Episcopal Church that just opened up?
→ They are so liberal that they have 6 commandments and 4 suggestions.