Guest
Vampire With Toothache
What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?
→ One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
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Guest
Rattled Goal Post
Why did the goal post get angry?
→ Because the bar was rattled!
Sick Extraterrestrial
What do you call a sick extraterrestrial?
→ An ailin' alien.
Guest
The Boy Astronaut
Why did the boy become an astronaut?
→ Because he was no earthly good!
Astronaut Job Security
Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?
→ Because as soon as they start they get fired.
Road To Paradise
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
→ Turn right and go straight.
Guest
Bike Behind the Corvette
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper.
He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.
He then relayed:
- ...and you're not going to believe this, there is a guy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass....
Guest
What Pigs Drive
What do pigs drive?
→ Pig-up trucks!
Guest
Wrong Number
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
- Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'? - she asked.
- Well, no - answered the puzzled homeowner.
- But I have a wife and eleven children.
- Is that a record? - she inquired.
- I don't think so, but it's as close as I want to get - replied the man.
Guest
Older And Wiser
Are you getting older and wiser?
→ No, he's getting older and wider!