Most viewed jokes

A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman.

- May I speak to the pharmacist? - he asks.

- Well - she replies - I am the pharmacist.

He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a male pharmacist, as he has a "male problem."

She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment.

He blushes and says:

- Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you... I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?

The woman looks thoughtful, and says:

- Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my sister.

After a couple of minutes she returns and says:

- We'll give you half of the business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it...

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

- Tim, you be first - she said.

- What does your mother do all day?

Tim stood up and proudly said:

- She's a doctor.

- That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said:

- My father is a mailman.

- Thank you, Amie - said the teacher.

- What about your father, Billy?

Billy proudly stood up and announced:

- My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. Billy's father said:

- I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION"
→ You'll be making under $6 an hour.

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY"
→ You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY"
→ There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.

"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN"
→ Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
→ We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
→ We have no time to train you. (and/or) Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.

"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER"
→ Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.

"IMMEDIATE OPENING"
→ The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER"
→ We can't supply you with leads; (and/or) there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or) you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

"SELF-MOTIVATED"
→ Don't expect Management to answer questions

"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS"
→ After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.

- Darling - she whispered after they had finished making love.

- Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?

He considered this for a moment, and then replied:

- I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women.

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.

As Jesse entered the first car he yelled:

- Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!

Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said:

- ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?

With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says:

- Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said:

- Man, I wish we had something to drink!

Jim says:

- Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!

Then the phone rings...

It's Jim.

Jim says:

- Hey, how do you feel this morning?

Bud says:

- I feel great. How about you?

Jim says:

- I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?

Bud says:

- No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing.

- We ought to do this more often.

- Yeah, well, there's just one thing....

- What's that?

- Have you farted yet?

- No.....

- Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!

What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
→ She called the toe truck!

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.

- Well - replied the man - When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.

- Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much - said his friend.

- I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!

The groom nodded gently and said:

- I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?
→ Yellow?

When doesn't a telephone work underwater?
→ When it's wringing wet!