Most viewed jokes

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.

The marriage counselor told him:

- If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder.

- Before I married my wife, - a husband once said, - it was nothing but wine, women, and song.

- Now that I'm her husband, it's beer, mama, and TV.

What do you call a smart blonde?
→ A golden retriever.
→ A labrador.
→ An indicator of a really bad hangover.

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

- I'm afraid I have some very bad news - the doctor says.

- You're dying, and you don't have much time left.

- Oh, that's terrible! - says the man.

- How long have I got?

- Ten - the doctor says sadly.

- Ten? - the man asks.

- Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?

- Nine...

- Eight...

- Seven...

A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.

When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride-to-be said:

- White.

The tailor was a bit suprised by this, and said:

- Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?

The woman replied:

- I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him...

What is a waterfall that goes upwards?...
→ Viagrafalls

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

- Dear - she chirped - I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.

A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him:

- How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?

To which he replied:

- That would be fine with me.

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

- Holy cow, Mister, - one of them said after catching his breath.

- You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?

- Those fools! - the old man grumbled.

- They misspelled my name!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
→ They tend to go cheep!