Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus.
One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate:
- I hear there's a new case of herpes in the dorm.
- Great! - said Baldwin.
- I was getting tired of 7-Up!
- Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
- Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
What "bus" crossed the ocean?
→ Columbus.
What kind of girl does a hamburger like?
→ Any girl named Patty!
How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful?
→ Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Princess Diana and Dolly Parton had both died on the same night. When they reached the gates of Heaven they were greeted by St. Peter.
St. Peter said:
- Excuse me ladies, but before I let you in... I must know what you were doing when you died... you see Heaven has become AWFULLY crowded...it's our new policy! He smiled.
- Well...if you must know... I was standing in front of the mirror examining my boobs... - Dolly Parton said.
- And I was going to the bathroom! - Princess Diana said.
- You may enter into Heaven...
St. Peter held the gate open for Princess Diana to pass through.
- WAIT A MINUTE! How come she gets to go and not me?! - Dolly Parton asked.
- Why...don't you know...a royal flush beats 2 of a kind! - St. Peter exclaimed.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why did God give women legs?
→ So that they wouldn't leave tracks like snails!
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife:
- What the hell happened?
- As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss - replied the wife.
- Piss on him - answered the husband.
- You did - said the wife, and he fired you.
- Well, fuck him - said the husband.
- I did, and you go back to work in the morning!
