Most viewed jokes

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

Where do you find monster snails?
→ On the end of monsters fingers.

Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs?
→ He was all fingers and thumbs.

Why is a cat like a penny?
→ Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.

- I've lost five cents - sobbed Johnny.

- Don't worry - said his dad kindly.

- Here's five more for you.

At this Johnny howled louder than ever.

- Now what is it? - asked his dad.

- I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!

In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

- But, wait a minute - said one listener - She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?

- Sure - replied the man.

- Well, won't they find out? - asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied:

- But who will tell?

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

Men are like horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

- Now do you understand? - he asked.

- I think so, - she said, - is that when mommy came to work for us?

- Novice: Do clever men make good husbands?

- Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!