- In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
- While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
- It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
- It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist. -Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.
- Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
- Next Sunday - she said - we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the of Mark.
The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said:
- Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the of Mark, please step to the front of the room.
About half the class rose and came forward.
- The rest of you may leave - said the teacher.
- these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no in the Book of Mark.
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother:
- Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word:
- That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you.
Can you spell eighty in two letters?
→ A-T.
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
- Holy cow, Mister, - one of them said after catching his breath.
- You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?
- Those fools! - the old man grumbled.
- They misspelled my name!
- Golfer: Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
- Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
- Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
- Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
- Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
- George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
- Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
- Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
- Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
→ The police.
Johnny comes back from school crying and says:
- Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.
His mother replies:
- No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.
- Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you?
- Pupil: How did you know?
- Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!
