Most viewed jokes

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:

- Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.

- Well - answered the priest.

- that's not a sin.

- But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed.

- I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.

- Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question...

- What is that, my son?

- Do I have to tell him the war is over?

Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
→ He didn't have the hare fare.

What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
→ One with a hoppy ending.

- Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

- Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.

The judge said:

- What will you take....30 days or $30.

The man replied:

- I think I'll take the money.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

- Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other:

- What about the powerful interest that controls you?

And the other guy screamed back:

- You leave my wife out of this!

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.

He goes up to the girl and says:

- Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing.

The little girl says:

- Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats.

Bill declines and jogs onward.

The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again:

- You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats.

The girl says:

- I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now.

Bill says:

- They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?

She says:

- Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?
→ Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
→ Write 'pp, espressivo'.