Most viewed jokes

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
→ Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network.

Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilisation, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.

What kind of dog can tell time?
→ A clockshund!

What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?
→ Shorts!

How did the dog make anti-freeze?
→ He stole her blanket.

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?
→ Because they mess up the whole house!

What does a blonde answer to the question:

- Are you sexually active?

→ "No, I just lie there."

What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth?
→ Einstein's dick.

An elderly man visits his doctor.

- Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.

- Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.

The aged patient replied o.k. And stuck out his index finger and his tongue.

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
→ He said:

- So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!