Most viewed jokes

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.

The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.

Then she inquired what I did for a living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said:

- If there's anything you want to know, just ask me.

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments.

- My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.

- Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.

- I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.

- My blood pressure pills make my dizzy.

- I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.

- Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive.

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?
→ Mice cubes!

Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club?
→ They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely!

Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school?
→ Because two heads are better than one.

Why was the monster standing on his head?
→ He was turning things over in his mind.

- Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede.

- Dracula: And what did he get?

- Igor: We don't know - we haven't managed to catch it yet.

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck

How are men like carpet tiles?
→ If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

- Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

- Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

- Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

- Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself:

- What other problem can there be greater than this one?