Guest
Dying Like Grandpa
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Most viewed jokes
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Guest
Knock Knock Jokes 9
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Agatha!
- Agatha who?
- Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Agnes!
- Agnes who?
- Agnes, Topeka, and the Santa Fe!
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Alfred!
- Alfred who!
- Alfred the needle if you sew!
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Ali!
- Ali who?
- Ali, Ali oxen free!
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Alice!
- Alice who?
- I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!
Guest
Ghost On The Phone
What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?
→ A phone moan.
Guest
Old MacDonald Quiz Show
A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence:
- Old MacDonald had a ...
The Indianan said:
- Old MacDonald had a carburetor.
- Sorry - said the MC.
- That's incorrect.
- Old MacDonald had a flat tire - said the Kentuckian.
- Wrong - said the host.
- Old MacDonald had a farm - said the West Virginian.
- That's correct! - shouted the MC.
- Now for $200,000, spell farm.
The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:
- E-I-E-I-O.
Guest
Bats In The Belfry
Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said:
- Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.
- I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said:
- Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away.
The third said:
- I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!
Guest
Rabbit Favorite TV Show
What's a rabbits' favorite TV show?
→ Hoppy Days.
Guest
Hare in My Salad
Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?
→ I believe he's eating your lettuce.
Guest
Be Hoppy
- Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do?
- Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!
Guest
Mama Pig's Appliance
Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a garbage compactor.
Guest
Small Parent
What do you call a small parent?
→ A minimum!