Most viewed jokes

What do hip pigs call their ladies?
→ Fine swine.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a film studio?
→ Collie-wood!

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one more, guys, I promise.

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:

- Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.

- You mean a brand-new Cadillac? - she asked eagerly.

- No - said the husband - a 1979 Cadillac.

Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had?
→ Because they were a nuisance (new cents).

Why are diapers like $10 bills?
→ Because you have to change them.

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
→ They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

- What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard? - asked the captain.

- Throw out an anchor, sir. - replied the naval student.

- What would you do if another storm sprang up aft? - asked the captain.

- Throw out another anchor, sir. - answered the student.

- And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do? - asked the captain.

- Throw out another anchor. - replied the student.

- Hold on - said the Captain.

- Where are you getting all your anchors from?

The naval student replied:

- From the same place you're getting all of your storms, sir.

Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks?
→ So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"