Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled:
- Mick! I lost me finger!
- Have you now? - says Mick.
- And how did you do it?
- I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
- Darn!
- There goes another one!
What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table?
→ He gets splinters in his mouth!
Why does a dog wag it's tail?
→ No one else will do it for them
- Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
- Nurse: No. Is it missing?
Why do men always give their penis a name?
→ Because they don't want a stranger making 95 percent of their decisions for them.
What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
→ A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry:
- Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?
Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said:
- Sam, I'm really glad you saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is.
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith. Saint Peter said:
- We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us a little clue.
The woman said:
- My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave.
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward.
- Take her to Turning Walter!
- My sister's a really bad driver.
- What makes you say that?
- Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Brother!
- Brother who?
- Brother-ation, I've forgotten your name!
