Most viewed jokes

What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?
→ He was convicted of fragrancy.

What has an IQ of 42?
→ 40 Marines plus their lieutenant

How are men like noodles?
→ They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said:

- Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary.

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned:

- OH? Really? Were you???

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married.

- But you just had two weeks off, - said the boss.

- Why didn't you get married then?

- What and ruin my vacation? - she whined.

- Lawyer: Let me give you my honest opinion.

- Client: No, no. I'm paying for professional advice.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Arbus

- Arbus who?

- Arbus leaves in 5 minutes?

Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races.
So they called it Running Dummy.

Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so she had his name legally changed to "Machine Washable"?

Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn't stand the draft?