Most viewed jokes

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said:

- There are no fish down there.

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said:

- There's no fish down there.

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said:

- There's no fish down there.

He looked up into the sky and asked:

- God, is that you?

- No, you idiot - the voice said.

- it's the rink manager.

How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ None. They don't have lightbulbs in caves

How do you sink a Polish ship?
→ Put it in water.

- Where's your pencil, Bud? - the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.

- I ain't got one, Sir.

- You're in England now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil.

- Gee! Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by.

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play.

- What part? - the mother asked.

- I play a Jewish husband - the boy replied.

- Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!

Which dog tastes better when eaten?
→ A hot dog.

How do you stop a dog smelling?
→ Put a peg on it's nose!

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:

- Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.

- That is very kind of you - said the doctor emotionally, and then added:

- May I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change...

- Doctor, Doctor, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off.

- Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.