Most viewed jokes

- 1st vampire: How things?

- 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cat

- Cat who?

- Cat you understand!

Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window?
→ He wanted to see a butterfly.

Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet?
→ Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.

How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
→ Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!

Why did the firefly keep stealing things?

What goes "snap, crackle and pop"?
→ A firefly with a short circuit!

Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says:

- I want four budgies.

- Salesman: Certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female?

- Newfie: I don't care. I just want 4 budgies!

- Salesman: Certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr...

- Newfie: I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard?

- Salesman: O.K. O.K.

The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says:

- What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

Retired colonel, talking of the good old days:

- Have you ever hunted bear?

- His grandson's teacher: No, but I've been fishing in shorts.

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.