A fireman and policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off.
Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady.
As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policemans wings fell off.
Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
→ He varnished into thin air!
- You can read his mind in his face.
- Yes, it's usually a complete blank.
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
→ About 3,000 miles!
Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?
→ To see who shot his "paw."
How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?
→ Put him in your back yard.
What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?
→ A shaggy dogs tale!
Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager:
- How much is that new Barbie in the window?
The Manager replied:
- Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.
- Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!? - Ralph asked surprised.
The Manager replies:
- Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture.
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said:
- Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said:
- That was excellent! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth.
Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She took an old friend for a drive, but after only half a mile the car broke down.
Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.
- Oh, Maud, you've lost your engine! - said her friend.
- Never mind, dear, I've got a spare one in the trunk. - said auntie.
