Most viewed jokes

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
→ LO

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Comic

- Comic who?

- Comic and see me sometime!

How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces:

- My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here.

- I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!

As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says:

- My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?

The man says:

- Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Barber!

- Barber who?

- Barberd wire!

Why did the bald man go outside?
→ To get some fresh hair!

Why do primates do so well in show biz?
→ Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?
→ A booquet of flowers.

- I'd say he was spineless.

- Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.

How does a farmer send messages?
→ By e-i-e-i-o-mail.