Most viewed jokes

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said:

- I've lost my dad!

The policeman said:

- What's he like?

Little Johnny replied:

- Beer and women!

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said:

- Let's get off the corner people.

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again:

- Let's get off that corner... NOW!

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked:

- Well, how did I do?

- Pretty good, - chuckled the vet, especially since this is a bus stop.

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

- If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.

- But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.

- This is my final position, and I will not compromise!

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.

- Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty.

- Then you'd better buy a little pig.

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery.
Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.

- What on earth - she inquired of the artist standing nearby:

- is that?

He smiled condescendingly:

- That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.

- Well, then - snapped the little old lady:

- why isn't it?

What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read?
→ One with a cemetery plot.

Where is the monster's temple?
→ On the side of his head.

Why is the moon like a dollar?
→ It has four quarters.