A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside.
- There's no room. It's full up!
- But you must let me on! - shouted the man.
- Why, what's so special about you? - they asked.
- I'm the driver - replied the man.
How do you make a hamburger green?
→ Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!
- Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner.
- Brother: Why? Is it broken?
- What's your father's occupation? - asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
- He's a conjurer, Ma'am - said the new boy.
- How interesting. What's his favourite trick?
- He saws people in half.
- Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?
- One half brother and two half sisters.
Droopy Drawers by Lucy Lastic
Army Jokes by Major Laugh
It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.
He explained:
- I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.
- How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime? - we asked.
- It's simple - he said.
- When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk.
When is your birthday?
→ 17th January.
What year?
→ Every year!
What are a parrot's favourite literary characters?
→ Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!
What's a parrot's favourite game?
→ Monopoly!
