A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup.
- Remember - the doctor said.
- don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field.
Then he added:
- By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.
When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.
How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
→ Artificial intelligence.
Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer?
→ She fell in the sink!
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong.
- I'll never understand women - said Joe.
- The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.
- Wow! That's quite some gift - said the bartender.
- So why are you so dejected?
- Well I thought about it for a while - said Joe,
- and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won't even speak to me!
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
- Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again.
- Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.
- Jim: What happened to your first three wives?
- Joe: They all died, Jim.
- Jim: How did that happen?
- Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.
- Jim: How terrible! And your second?
- Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.
- Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?
- Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.
- Jim: I see, an accident.
- Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.
