Most viewed jokes

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

How do you communicate with a fish?
→ You drop it a line!

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says:

- Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?

The other guy says:

- Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
He told himself:

- I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line.

He went to the angels guarding the gates and said:

- Let me in. I'm a fire chief.

The angels replied:

- You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir.

While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels.

He asked:

- Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?

To which the angels replied:

- You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief.

How do you get a German out of the bath?
→ Turn on the water.

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do.

After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question.

- God - he said:

- What is heaven like?

God replied:

- Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!

The man looked pleased.

- What is hell like? - he asked.

- Well - he said with a sigh:

- the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers.

How does every ethnic joke start?
→ By looking over your shoulder.

Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
→ In France.

What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
→ If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.

What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
→ A nun only serves one God.