Most viewed jokes

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.

Imagine the trademarks:

- Nike Condoms: Just do It

- Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling

- Ford Condoms: The ride of your life

- Sony Condoms: Do not underestimate the power of Sony

- Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

- KFC Condoms: Finger Licking Good

- M&Ms Condoms: Melt in your mouth, not in your hands

- Coca-Cola Condom: The Real Thing

- Ever-Ready Condoms: Keep going and going

- Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple

- Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
→ Hump me Dump me.

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
→ Because she got an F in sex.

When I take a long time
I am slow
When my boss takes a long time
He is thorough

When I don't do it
I am lazy
When my boss doesn't do it
He is too busy

When I do something without being told
I am trying to be smart
When my boss does the same
That is initiative

When I please my boss
I'm ass-kissing
When my boss pleases his boss
He's co-operating

When I do good
My boss never remembers
When I do wrong
He never forgets

One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement:

- Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out:

- What's the matter Jim?

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice:

- Throw me my 7-iron... You can't get out of here with an 8-iron!

- Attempt to take the order-takers order. ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.

- Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".

- When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.

- Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

- Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

- Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.

- Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

- If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

Where are the germs that cause "good" breath?

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?

Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?

Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?

What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
→ "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."

What does NASA stand for?
→ Need Another Seven Astronauts
→ Need Another Shuttle Also

Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
→ They didn't know it was going to blow up.

Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
→ Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.

On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
→ So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.

How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
→ Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

Democrats announced today they are changing their emblem from a donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks and gives a sense of security while screwing others.

Three guys made a competition to see who would make a girl scream louder in bed.

The first one went in, meanwhile the other two stayed out and listened to the girl moan for a bit.

The second one went in and the girl screamed a little bit harder.

When the third one went in, the girl SCREAMED! and SCREAMED! About an hour later the girl came out moaning.

The first guy asked "Wow, how did you do that?" The guy, all tired and wet replied "I simply used my head".