Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" The Son said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.
What's the slowest thing in the world?
→ A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
→ If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?
→ Because the captain stood on the deck.
Did you ever blow bubbles as a child? Yeh, well he's back in town and wants your new number.
One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence.
So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue, the teacher said no, it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors.
Another little boy raised his hand and said:
- the leaves on the trees are absolutely green - the teacher said no, they could be different colors at different times of the year.
Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if there where lumps in farts, the teachers said no, I don't believe so.
And Little Johnny said:
- well then I absolutely just shit in my pants!!!!
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.
About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again.
Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver - by this time scared out of his wits - yells:
- Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?
The other guy yells back:
- Fuck no! Do you know anything about lighting gas stoves?
What do they call a meeting among the most brilliant people in Burger Land?
→ A MEATing of the minds!
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
→ She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
