Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the lawyer whose divorce ended up in a nasty custody fight about a dog? When the lawyer won, the dog bit him.

How does a blonde commit suicide?
→ She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

- I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday.

- Why don't you?

- Because I can't think of a single thing to say!

Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."

What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender?
→ Shredded Tweet!

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?
→ Sleep on the sofa.

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.

- I'll bet you $10 he'll jump - said the first guy.

- Bet you $10 he won't - said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

- I can't take your money - said the first guy.

- I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news.

- No, no. Take it - said the second guy.

- I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!

How do you make an apple puff?
→ Chase it round the garden

- Tree 1: Hey look, Mother Nature's coming!

- Tree 2: Look busy.