Most viewed jokes

One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday.

- 9.30 okay?

George said:

- Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me.

The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that he played left-handed and beat them.

They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9.30. George again said:

- Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me.

The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he played right-handed and beat them again.

- Okay, for 9.30 next Sunday? - one of the foursome asked.

George said:

- Sure if I'm ten minutes late.

Another golfer jumped in:

- Wait a minute... You always say you may be ten minutes late. But you're always right on time and you beat us whether you play right or left handed.

George said:

- Well, that's true - I'm superstitious. If I wake up and my wife is sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed.

- What if she's lying on her back?

George said:

- That's when I'm ten minutes late!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
→ A smell that keeps coming back!

What is Dracula's favorite pudding?
→ Leeches and scream.

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

- Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years, - he told the priest.

- I understand my son, - says the priest.

- Can you make a Novena?

O'Toole said:

- Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber.

A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:

- Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.

- That notion is ridiculous! - mocked George Jr. - It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!

Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?
→ The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.

Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to relate this incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the importance of clear objectives.

Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell decided to investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured that it was a very important outpost.

- What's it's mission?

- To protect the airfield!

- What's the airfield here for?

- To resupply the outpost!

After she woke up, a woman told her husband:

- I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?

- You'll know tonight - he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
→ Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

- Tell me - said the hiker to the local farmer - will this pathway take me to the main road?

- No, sir - replied the farmer - you'll have to go by yourself!