Most viewed jokes

What do you call a pair of skunks that are 69'ing?
→ OdorEaters!!!

What do you call a pregnant Black woman?
→ A dope carrier!

There once was a man named Dave,
who found a dead whore in a cave.

She was ugly as shit
and missing one tit,
but think of the money he saved!

Why do men fart more than women?
→ Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

A Polak was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued.

His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets.

- You mean you fought like that for 57 cents? - asked one of the muggers incredulously.

- Is that all you wanted? - moaned the Pole.

- I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!

Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist?
→ He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Here's a fun tongue twister.

Read the following list and then follow the instructions at the end.

Read it LOUD and REAL FAST...see if you can do it!

DON'T read the instructions until you get it right!!!

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is fool cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Did ya do it? Now go back up and read the third word in each line starting from the top to the bottom :)

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

- English: I Love you

- Spanish: Te Amo

- French: Je T'aimes

- German: Ich Liebe Dich

- Japanese: Ai Shite Imasu

- Italian: Ti Amo

- Chinese: Wo Ai Ni

- Swedish: Jag Alskar

- Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky: Nice Tits

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(why wait that long)
2. Thou shall not do drugs.(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6. Thou shall not get into fights.(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7. Thou shall not skip class.(just take the whole day off)
8. Thou shall not strip in class.(Hooters pays more)
9. Thou shall not think about having sex.(like Nike says, "just do it")
10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.(just leave'm in the middle)

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were:

- Oh, Shit!

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were:

- Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!