Most viewed jokes

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads:

- WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:

- NOW THERE ARE TWO!

What does CHAOS stand for?
→ The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

What do dogs have that no other animal has?
→ Puppy dogs!

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel

- That's shocking!

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.

- Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.

- But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Name two tennis stars who are famous in the hamburger world?
→ Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
→ She was tickled to death!

How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
→ Send him to polytechnic!

Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied:

- As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you hear me now?