Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!

A couple of biologists had twins.
One they called John and the other control.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
House Wife Barbie ...dressed in ratty, old housecoat; comes with dirty laundry and sink full of dishes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Jock Barbie ...looks like Dennis Rodman

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Safari Barbie ...with rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though.

As he's drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it:

- I SPIT IN THIS BEER

and walks to the bathroom.

When he comes back about 15 minutes later, there's another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying:

- I SPIT IN IT TOO.

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

What medicine would you give an ill ant?
→ Antibiotics!

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
11. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)
12. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
13. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
14. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
15. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
16. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
17. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
18. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)

In response... The male perspective on the same issue ...

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
11. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
12. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
13. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
14. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
15. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
16. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
17. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
18. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

What does a nymphomaniac say after she's had sex?
→ Do all you guys play for the same team?