Women Jokes — best jokes

How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car?
→ Tired.

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

"Take the wheel, Harry!" said the nervous lady driver. "There's a tree coming straight for us!"

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road.

As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, "Pig!"

The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, "Moron!"

They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door.

'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.'

All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.

How many blonde jokes are there?
→ One - the rest are all true.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.

"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.

When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said "when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom."

So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men.

The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
→ Women!