Women Jokes — best jokes

What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
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believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.

The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I don't believe I want to ride."

Why was the woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?
→ She was charged with rustling!

Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your Dean as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth shut. I knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years.

But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon).

Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight in the eye.

"Hey Bitch," I said. "You're so damn ugly, you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!"

And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had imagined it would for the last four years.

Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!"

How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?
→ She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"

- Policeman: I've had my eye on you for some time now.

- Young Lady: That's funny. I thought you were arresting me for speeding.

- Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you?

- Woman Driver: Sure, but I don't flirt when I drive.

- Police Officer: Why were you speeding?

- Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.