Sex Jokes — best jokes

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, "Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?"

"Worse," says the doctor. "It's frostbite!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"

Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."

Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank."

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
→ Having your dentist tell you!

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.

While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"

The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"

The dentist says, "No, not quite. You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

- I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?

- Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess.

- You only have one week left to live.

- Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now?

- Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here? I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!

- Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Not really. It will just seem longer.

- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Really! What are you taking for it?

- (with a grin) Black pepper!

After her operation, the famous lady soap opera star was propped up in bed in her private room, as the doctor did his rounds. "Tell me, how are you feeling now?" he asked.

"A lot better, thank you," purred the star in reply. "But one thing does bother me. When will I be able to resume a normal sex life?"

"Oh, that's rather hard to say," said the doctor. "I've never been asked that after a tonsilectomy before."

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"