School — best jokes

Two girls were talking in the corridor.

'That boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie.

'But he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara.

'That's what's getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.

- Fred: Where does the new kid come from?

- Harry: Alaska.

- Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.

- Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?

- Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.

"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"

Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf, which was great for the children in her class.
"What Mrs Smith needs," said one of her colleagues, "is a herring-aid."

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"

"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

"Just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"

"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"

- Teacher: Name four members of the cat family.

- Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens!

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
→ One minds the train, the other trains the mind.

- Teacher: Who built the first American car?

- Student: Me Pilgrims.

- Teacher: The Pilgrims?

- Student: Yeah, they made the Mayflower Compact.