Relationships — best jokes

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

Why are men like blenders?
→ You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop".

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
→ Close the door.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
→ Exchange him.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
→ At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
→ E.T. phoned home.

What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?
→ A chauffeur.

How are men like carpet tiles?
→ If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.