Political Jokes — best jokes

The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site

9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
10. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.
11. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
12. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
13. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
14. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
15. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
16. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.

and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site...

1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties.

A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics

The bartender says "IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S POLITICS". A little while later hey bartender can we talk about religon. Again the bartender says "IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The bartender says SURE. The drunk says good............fuck you!

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.

"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."

"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't make a living on that."

"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"

On Jeopardy...

- Trebek: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life.

- Player: What is the KGB?

- Trebek: Be more specific.

- Player: What is PBS?

- Trebek: Right!

What did Arafat say to Clinton?

"Sheep don't talk, my friend."

What is long, black, and smelly?
→ The unemployment line.

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."

How does a Russian commit suicide?
→ He smells his armpit

How does an American commit suicide?
→ He tells this joke to a Russian.

The first Jewish woman President is elected.

She calls her Mother:

- Mama, I've won the elections, you've got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.

- I don't know, what would I wear?

- Don't worry, I'll send you a dressmaker

- But I only eat kosher food

- Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get you kosher food

- But how will I get there?

- I'll send a limo, just come mama

- Ok, Ok, if it makes you happy.

The great day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the Future Cabinet members, she nudges the gentleman on her right. "You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible?... Her brother's a doctor!"

How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish?
→ If she wasn't, she wouldn't have stained her dress.