Ouch — best jokes

Headline in today's newspaper: "Suicidal Twin kills sister by mistake!"

Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
→ It doesn't show the dirt.

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
→ Fisher-Price

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
→ The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Why are most brunettes flat-chested?
→ It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
→ It matches their mustache.

Why is the color brunette considered evil?
→ When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch?

How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
→ Check her for a pulse.

What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
→ A brunette rabbit.

Why do brunettes wear training bras?
→ It's cheaper than changing their Band-Aids every day.

Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls?
→ Parents felt the dandruff might be contagious.

How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair?
→ With a rake.

Why don't brunettes get breast implants?
→ They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants.

Why did God create brunettes?
→ So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
→ The invitation.

Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant?
→ From their underarms.

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
→ Startled.

What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
→ A hostage.

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
→ By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
→ At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
→ They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.

Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job?
→ Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch.

What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover?
→ 'What part of yes don't you understand?'

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
→ The 1988 Hide-and-Go-Seek World Champion.

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered, "Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!"

Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?

What's better than winning 4 gold medals at the special olympics?
→ Not being retarded!

What is total agony?
→ A one-armed man hanging from a twenty story building, with a serious case of jock itch.

What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?
→ Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.

What's the difference between a faggot and a queer?
→ A faggot won't go downtown with you to beat up queers!

How did Stevie Wonder pierce his ears?
→ He answered the stapler (hello? OUCH)