Random joke from this category
Anna's mother has 3 kids... the youngest daughter's name is Penny... the middle daughter's name is Nickel....... What is the oldest daughter's name?
You think you know it???
Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime.... but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!
- Baby Jim: Mommy, does God use our toilet?
- Mom: No Jim, what made you ask?
- Baby: Every morning, Daddy goes up to the toilet and says: "Oh God! Are you still in there!"
A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, "That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very shocked! She asks "Sweetheart how did you do that?"
The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weigh 120 pounds." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex!"
There was this boy that lived with his mother.
One night the boy woke up and went to the restroom and on his way he passed his mothers room and looked in and saw his mom rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN". Then he went to bed.
The next night the same thing happened, she was there rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN".
On the third night the woman had a man in bed with her when the son looked in.
Right away the boy went to his room and stood in front of the mirror rubbing hiself and saying....
"I NEED A BIKE"..........
- My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
- Oh, really?
- Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?"
So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God!'"
What a mother once told her teenage daughter about how it felt to have a baby:
"It's kinda like trying to pass a watermelon through a keyhole."
The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book.
"What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed.
"I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied.
"You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby."
"You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"
If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings!
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!"
