Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

- I had a funny dream last night, Mom.

- Did you?

- I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.

- Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?

- Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.

Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?
→ Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.

Why was the lightning bug unhappy?
→ Because her children were not very bright.

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse", she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!"

Blake and his parents were drinking at the bar in a train station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had missed the train.

"The next train is in one hour," said the stationmaster.

The three went back into the bar. The parents had another drink; Blake had a Pepsi.

Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.

"Next one is sixty minutes from now!" said the stationmaster.

An hour later, Blake, with his mom and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.

"Your parents just left you," said the stationmaster. "Why are you laughing?"

"They came to see me off!"

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room. "How did you manage to do that?" he fumed.

"Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!"

On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.

As they got in the car, the father said, "Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap."

- What sort of a car has your dad got?

- I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.

- Really - Ours only starts with gas.

My dad is stupid.
He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.