Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

- Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner.

- Brother: Why? Is it broken?

- Mother: Jared, get your little sister's hat out of that puddle.

- Jared: I can't mum, she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!

A little demon came home from school one day and said to his mother, 'I hate my sister's guts.'
'All right,' said his mother, 'I won't put them in your sandwiches again.'

- Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

- Boy: Because he read the label, and it said 'shake well before using.'

- Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.

- Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!

- Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars.

- Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's.

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, "I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "Of couse it is, dear."

The next day, the blonde said, "I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "Of course it is dear!"

The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, "I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
→ "Just flush it like everybody else does."

- Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

- No, dear, what?

- A nice teapot.

- But I've got a nice teapot.

- No you haven't. I've just dropped it.

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

- How lovely!

- Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!