Man Bashing
How does a man take a bubble bath?
→ He eats beans for dinner.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
→ Because they don't have testicles.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
→ Breasts don't have eyes.
Why don't men eat more M&M's?
→ They're too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
→ Gifted.
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
→ A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
→ He's breathing.
What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
→ Who cares!!!!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
→ What Men Know About Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One. Men will screw anything!
How do you save a man from drowning?
→ Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ We don't know - it's never happened.
Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
→ Because they're stupid.
How are men and parking spots alike?
→ The good ones are always taken.
Why do men like love at first sight?
→ It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of?
→ Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
→ In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
→ A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
→ To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
→ They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
→ He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
→ All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
→ At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
→ The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
→ Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
→ Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
→ They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
→ After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
→ Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
→ So men can remember them.