Man Bashing

How does a man take a bubble bath?
→ He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
→ Because they don't have testicles.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
→ Breasts don't have eyes.

Why don't men eat more M&M's?
→ They're too hard to peel.

What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
→ Gifted.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
→ A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
→ He's breathing.

What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
→ Who cares!!!!

What is the thinnest book in the world?
→ What Men Know About Women

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One. Men will screw anything!

How do you save a man from drowning?
→ Take your foot off his head.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ We don't know - it's never happened.

Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
→ Because they're stupid.

How are men and parking spots alike?
→ The good ones are always taken.

Why do men like love at first sight?
→ It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of?
→ Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
→ In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
→ A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
→ To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
→ They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
→ He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
→ All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
→ At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
→ The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
→ Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
→ Opposites attract.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
→ They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
→ After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
→ Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
→ So men can remember them.