Medicine — best jokes

What do you get if you put your hand down a psychic's pants?
→ Your palm red once a month.

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.

Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.

"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.

Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?", the other two enquire.

"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately.

All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?" ask the other two..

"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.

Why do women get PMS?
→ THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?

What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
→ Desert.

A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.

He says, "You have acute vaginitis."

She says "Thank you."

A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't adversely affected by aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in the class.

- Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.

- When did you first notice this problem?

- What problem?

This male prostitute contracted leprosy.

He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."