Medicine — best jokes

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."

What bee is good for your health?
→ Vitamin bee!

Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?
→ There's a 12-month waiting list.

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

- Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother?

- Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years, and the very day after he took that medicine, he heard from America!

Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?
→ They cause too much brain damage.

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker.
"They've always been brown."

Two Virginia boys, Sonny and Rick, went out hunting and split up. Sonny heard some rustling in the bushes and, by mistake, shot his friend.

After trying to remove the bullet, he carried Rick to a doctor.

Two hours later, after the physician had patched up the wounded hunter, Sonny asked, "Please, Doc. How's my friend?"

"Well," answered the M.D., "he'd be a lot better off if you hadn't taken out his gut!"

Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out.
They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"